caffeine diary

damp earth and fresh green
the struggle to live again
spend a piece of every day
underground just grasping
or is it gasping?
spend it welling up
unwilling tears
dig your hands in the dirt
and feel me
fighting it
and quietly failing

twisted little pixels
flicker into focus
I open my eyes
lick my lips
I look again
my breath flips
in quick shudder
that spreads
warm and wet
involuntary clench
in my legs
I will them still

what have you done
with five words
and a question
an unveiled suggestion
I am given away
betrayed, insane
with swift sensation

damn you!
and I liked it

tiny metallic ants
like dots on maps
like soldiers in lanes
moving precious cargo

my hands slip a bit
shaky sweaty grip
my eyes paralyze
on the sight

a world going ’round
just one step
and a long way down

you would have me believe
that subtraction is an art
worth framing
worth hanging under lights
and celebrating
as if calculating the distance
between longing
and indifference
could be anything other
than cold hard math

it isn’t enough to say
that the sky is still blue
and the sheets are clean
and the bird will sing
her swift “I love you”
while the sun
fades into the moon.

it isn’t enough to say
that a bell will ring
for the song she sings
can’t be unsung
and the bell that rings
can’t be unrung.

a single pin drop

did you hear the utter
cacophony of it
falling into a haystack
lost like the last straw
we tried to carry

did you hear the eerie
silence of it
sinking into the seas
like some rag doll
with staring eyes, a million
tiny bubbles on my lips

you open your hand
and all is farewell

staring at this glass
of ice
and cloudy bitter liquid,
a pain killer
for the heart breaker
with a twist.
you never know
where the cracks will show.
I love you so.
yeah I love you, so what.

a million times goodbye
she whispers at shadows
that are you
someday, maybe today
amazed at each sunrise
that finds your eyes
still upon her face
a million and one times
goodbye she cries
for the night yet to come
and the impossibly quick blink
it would take
to simply look away

I thought the mountains would move
and the snow would come crashing
down

like it had no choice but to fall

and all the bits of this messy jigsaw
would paint the scrambled picture
of lost door keys suddenly found
and places traveled and new cities
and questions finally answered

look away and open
these shaking hands
let loose the thing
nesting in my chest
a small sparrow
ragged feathered hope
it’s what they all say to do
in the broken wake